Dear diary,

It has been 2 years since I last posted something! A lot has happened in this time span. I've got a full time job in a CPA firm, met new people and fell in love.

Mharitez Gonzales - someone special who I felt a connection since the first time I met her. Love is an unexpected event since I am putting myself in a very complex relationship. She is a decade older, popular in her community and thinks she is gay. Why would a guy in his right mind fall in love with such a girl. Well, it's her personality that made me took a liking in her. Her shy reactions, enthusiasm in telling  her stories, laughter, smile, and maturity.

By far, this is the most alone time I have spent with a girl. It started with a one on one movie outing which changed our relationship status from colleague to friend (or so I think). She opened up with her broken relationship story and how she suffered from learning the horrible truth about her ex.

Subsequent dinners @ the convenience of OTs made her more comfortable with hanging our with me even though it was just the two of us. My colleagues were suspecting since we always come back from dinner together but what they don't know is, she doesn't feel in that way. Given the circumstances, it's only normal that she treats me like a confidant and maybe a regular friend.

I decided to step it up a little by asking her out for jogging @ MBS since she wanted to start exercising again but she didn't have anyone to run with. Then it hit me, since she needed people to motivate her, I fill the job description like a missing puzzle piece. However, I had to bump into my sis and bro which sucked since my sis jumped into conclusion that I was already dating and she was way too old for me. From here on out, my feeling began to waver since I don't have my family support to begin with.

Soon after, we decided to give hip hop dance a chance. I met her friend and instructor, Paul who ran the classes. It was intimidating since the students were seasoned and routine looked difficult. I gave it a go @ POMO & I lost hands down. I couldn't spin and maintain my posture. When I knew I nearly punched the guy beside me, I decided to throw in the white flag. Surely, it would be good if I got into a fight. Mawen was reluctant to join since we both felt it was too much for beginners like us.

Zumba was an "Aunty" sport since a professional dancer like Admyra said so herself. However, I decided to give a shot since I may luv it. Mawen and I moved and grooved to the instructor's moves. It was fun and tiring! I was convinced that it wasn't for aunties since I hurt my back! Took me nearly 1 week to get back in shape.

My second attempt was with more company - Ariel & Lovely. These two are Mawen's best buds and it's only natural that I would eventually meet them in person. However, I do not have good experiences with meeting my crush's friends since the beginning of time. They are either too protective or someone in the group also has a crush on her. It sucks and it happened again. I was clueless of their jokes since they were all speaking in Philippines. Haiz.....the difference in culture sure forms a barrier.

Well, later that night, I realized that things were actually very messy. Mawen was late since the director held her back which made Lovely upset since we were late and me as well since I was kept in the dark on a lot of stuff. Regardless, it was definitely a test for me since things don't go smoothly every time. I can't blame Mawen for all that had happen since there were many uncontrollable events. If I was in her shoes, I would be dumbfounded as well.

Lesson: Never jump to a conclusion before analyzing the situation.

Life Changes

It certainly has been a while since I last wrote something significant. Today was rather inspirational and frustrating in a few ways. I was checking out a movie which was recommended by my buddy as smthing that I should not miss. It was "Easy A" a show that co-relates to a teenager's life which shows how people try so hard just to fit in or stand out from the crowd. The shows was simply inspirational in many ways as it tries to deliver a message that whatever problems that we create should be  solved by us. It doesn't matter how you do but just do it. Well, lies is particular common in our daily lives but it might bite you back if it goes out of control. In this movie, the problem started with a lie that she was a hooker/slut. Her life was filled with attention at first but gradually became quite bitter as rumours spread like wild fire, mostly exaggerated and untrue. In the end, she ended her problems with a Bang by making a confession to the whole school through her webcam about how her life resolved to its current state.  

Moving on to the frustrating moment of the day, leaving under one roof with your sibling isn't entirely the best thing life has to offer especially when it's within the same room. My bro is an awesome guy who acted like a father instead of a bro. However, times have changed as I gradually grew up. The kind and cool brother that I used to know is somewhat gone. Time changes people in many ways especially towards the bitter side. It's kinda weird how people let the world change you for who you are. I always believe that people should be able to take charge of their lives not let everyone/anything change it. Well, my brother certainly has. Stress and the pressure of being jobless has definitely made him bitter to everyone. 

Today has certainly been a mix of feelings but definitely a learning experience. Well, I'm gonna rock my life and never living without a life.

The Chase

It's gonna be a stream of pain & stress. I have 5 subjects to study and the best part is that I am way back in time. In order to case up and keep up the pace, I can't even afford to waste a day. It would be dooms day if I did. Damn u Chinese New Year! I never felt this way for CNY. I wish that exams did have to fall during the CNY period. Well, guess life isn't always fair. Got to stay focused and strengthen my will because it's gonna be a really rough week that will test me physically & mentally. Gambahtei! 

Speaking of which, I just got inspired to keep on living with enthusiasm when I watched "Burlesque", acted by Christina Arguilera. It was a really inspiring and fun show that shows how strong a woman can be if she tries her best and stand for what she believes in. Having faith and confidence in yourselve is the most important thing to keep by your side especially when you are in a tough spot in life. Life can keep pushing you down but you can keep getting up if you try your very best. As long as you don't give up, you can achieve your wildest dreams. That movie made me realised that there is so much in life and I am glad that I am not attached yet. There are many awesome and beautiful women out there and having one now in Singapore is a complete waste of time. Comparing the 2 different worlds, Singaporean girls are like small girls rather than real women. Well, that what I see and believe. An awesome movie worth watching at least twice. 

Cake Hunt & Cramming

It is a really tiring day. From campus to Bedok, from Bedok to East Coast Road, from ECR to Bugis, from Bugis to Orchard Road, OR to Tanjong Pagar and lastly, from TP to Yishun. All that within 4 and the half hours of travelling. It certainly is a journey worth doing for someone so close in my life. It's painful but satisfying. I left campus at 5pm to embark on my journey to Bedok. I knew it was going to be a long journey but who knew that the Cheesecake Cafe was not in operation on Mondays and Tuesdays. I was utterly shocked when I discovered it's closure. It was around 7.40pm when I reached ECR. I was pretty proud of myself for being able to find such a ulu place even though it was nightfall. However, my heart pumped up and sank when I saw the shop. I was delighted for the first few seconds but it was a disappointment for the rest of the journey. I quickly thought of an alternative immediately by setting my next destination to Ngee Ann City. I was disappointed once again with the poor selections of cakes they had. I asked around and received my final option which is Paragon. They had Bakerz'in which had the flavored cake I needed (Tiramisu). But the price was a jaw dropper. It was $51 dollars! 

Despite all that I went through, I think that my decision to get it was not in vain. To my surprise, it was actually an ice cream tiramisu cake. It's no wonder why the price was so high. I was also glad soon after because my sister loved the cake. All ends well I might say. The other awesome thing that happen that night was a incidental meeting with an awesome girl. She was gorgeous and had the innocent ambiance around her. She brought about 2 totally different elements. Blasting off a loud music while looking so ignorant. But she was worth the thought.  

As of today, I realized that I have lost my touch in presentation. I fumbled at the second line it self. What a shame for someone who managed to represent TEP. I need to socialize more to get my jaw, tung, and confidence exercised. No more games and non-relevant activities that waste my precious time. I have to get my game up again. Regrets are an absolutely no.

Projects & People

Having the opportunity to be part of projects is an experience worth remembering. It enables me to work with various types of people who can either make you happy, stressed, angry, delighted or even surprised. How you deal with projects is important because a bad start will kill the mood and the motivation of your members. I have pretty much screwed up many projects with my ignorance and laziness. I should say that I was a pain in the next for my previous leaders. However, I now understand what it means to shoulder the responsibility of a leader. If you don't decide and take the first move, your reputation and drive will instantaneously be rendered useless. 

Dealing with projects is like dealing with people. If no attention is given to it, there will be no progress like how relationship is distant when interest is lost. Constant dedication and strong discipline are needed to pull the strings together. Those strings are the people who are part of the team, people who can either cause the team to crumble or rumble. If the right step are taken, the team will be highly motivated and enthusiastic. As a result, the team has cooperation and quality. It is something that is hard to achieve but necessary. That is what I managed to learn out of countless failures and hardship.   

Valentines

Everyone has someone special in their lives. They can be someone as close as their family or even a secret admirer. Thinking about old times, I too have crushes with many girls buy never once attempted to take a step forward and be honest towards my feelings. It was a fantasy that was shared only with myself. I believe it was the lonely days of my life. I envied my friends who had awesome girlfriends and able to please them with jokes and memorable moments. However, I always knew that one day I might be able to see the moment of Love in my life. It's a day to look forward and experience. If I remembered correctly, here are the girls who passed through my life and moved on:

Dixie Ong
Diane Too
Wong Chu Wen 
Pamela
Hui Min

Evey girl in the above inspired me in various ways. I always looked up to them since they were of a different league of their own. I was small, young and aimless in life. I did not have an identity and route. Through my growing years, I played PC games, Football, Basketball and even Cycling. But, I only excel only at a certain moment. Those moments never came back after that. I began to let go of many things which I could spent hours, days, months or even years. I was growing up. When I look back, it was worth not going up and confession to these girls. Reason being, they were actually not special. I was just too ignorant and love sick. I did not see that the time I spent loving them secretly could be diverted into improving my self to be a better person. Now, I have a new dream and aim in life. I have to do well in my studies, get a good job, be confident and ultimately be in Japan to lead my life. It was a small dream but I realised that anything can be achieve as long as their is will, effort and guidance from the right people. 

Watching "

Kimi ni Todoke", it brought me back to those days. Days of ignorance and self-indulgence. Never had worries about money nor self-esteem. It was haven and the best times in my childhood. I was Love that made my youth days so interesting. Though I did not have an actual relationship, I am glad that I still get to spare that experience for someone special in the future. Someone who accepts me for who I am and Love me unconditionally. A girl who shares eternal love and trust with me till the ends of time.

One Life

I realized that everyone has a life to live and a mind to decide. Everyone chooses their own friends and clicks. The people that surrounds them are the people who stick with them through thick and thin. However, you can't make everyone like you. It is easy to make a bad image by doing the wrong things. Sometimes, I wish I was that good myself. I have been a bad leader in terms of attitude and personality. 

But, people can change and I want that to happen to me as well. In order to change, actions have to be taken to improve one's self. I have to put in 100% effort to complete it perfectly. I managed to get a full grade for ICT and I know I can do it again. I have to learn to love myself before I can love others. Never have negative thoughts and always make my priority straight. Distraction is a challenge because it can come in any form so long as it drives you away for your main focus especially in life.