Dear Diary,
I told myself that I would try my best for K but it came to a point that I lost the chance. She was the time of my life but all good times would come to an end eventually. I discovered that I was in the friendzone since the beginning. I was never a man in her eyes rather someone she taught of as just a regular and no strings attach friend. Honestly, I was fooled in thinking that I was someone who was special in her eyes. The initial attention, her willingness to trust me, spending time when invited, her radiant smile and unique jokes were the little things that made me happy. It was perfect in my eyes but what I didn't see was that I'm just someone she relied on when she just needed someone.
Reading that sentence again, it doesn't sound so bad, but I'll always be that guy who she treated like a little brother and is simply nice. Nice guys certainly finish last and that's a living testimony. When I saw this coming, I was obviously heartbroken since I never had any chance. She was too good for me and her preference is different. She likes older guys and a life of fun. Haiz, I certainly sound like a jerk now since I know I won't be the one who will hold her hands under the sunset or the one who will make her feel special.
The week before last week, I felt really low since we hardly talked for weeks and she could simply not respond to my msgs. Whatsapp or SMS didn't work since she was too busy to even notice. She even rescheduled our dinner due her friend's b'day. I was disturbed a little but the most heart breaking thing was she totally forgot our rescheduled dinner. She had plans for the day and I honestly felt that I was the last thing on her list or rather the help line. I was nothing more than a listening ear. I could picture the day when another guy would simply make her dumb founded and capture her heart right before my eyes. Things will go downhill and I would become disposable.
I did try to show affection like talking on the phone and hanging out till 2am but I didn't even get a hug or even a picture with her when I offered. It took me courage to ask but it just didn't happen. I'm really sad. That's just lame! I'm certain that she would deleted the tag on fb too.
We had quite the conversation yesterday and wanted me stick with the company till she's able to leave. I thought to myself, is it worth waiting for her when I'll never be her man? Is it worth extending 8 months more of suffering while compromising my studies? All these considerations never sum up into "Yes it is!". I feel suffocated and I'm tearing for being such a fool for believing that love was in sight.
The best option is to let her go but I'm hesitating.
Well, it seems like I'm the only one hurt as always. A one sided love that never materialize.......
